During my final session with my bereavement counsellor tonight I learnt about the significance of the separation process when grieving,
I started the counselling a few weeks after my father had departed…. (I still can’t bring myself to say the D word) & it has certainly been a thought provoking and winding journey in the past 15 weeks since the first session with my psychologist Anne Marie.
Whilst I found some immediate comfort in the refuge I found in her office, where I could cry, talk and analyse my grief without any judgement. I was feeling incredibly raw, emotional, and quite frankly very, very lost without my father.
I was under the impression that I was there to talk about my grief, sadness and pain, but as the weeks unfolded, I discovered that I learnt something new about myself and the way my relationship with my dad had an impact on me, both in a living and non-living form.
As the sessions picked up momentum, I found myself unravelling a complicated story of my life. We touched on my grief in relation to my mixed race identity, religious upbringing, values, family dynamics and culture and how it played its part.
It wasn’t until tonight that we discussed the significance of the separation that is felt when a loved one leaves us.
Separation in the sense that in a family we are all one, the relationship that I had with my father was strong and now that we are separated, what does that mean for me, my identity to him and the story we created.
For my mother, what does the separation mean to her, in terms of her loss with my father.
A question she asked me was, now my father has departed in a physical sense, how can I take this separation and move forward it in a powerful way? To understand that we are separated in a physical sense, but connected in a spiritual way.
I guess time will tell…………..